As my EP enters its final stage of production (mastering), I can't help but wonder what the outcome of years of bringing this EP to life will be. This EP represents the full circle of coming to Nashville at 12 years old and singing karaoke on Broadway, dreaming I'd be back one day. It's the culmination of learning what the heck songwriting is, and years of songwriting with different writers, and the challenge and satisfaction of writing by myself. It signifies the decades and immeasurable amount of money my parents spent helping me master the craft of singing. It symbolizes the countless hours of learning the different instruments I wrote each song with and the innumerable miles driven to play each song live with my band.
Once production wraps up, I will be sitting in the offices of record labels, management, song pluggers, lawyers, and professional friends and colleagues who will listen to it and then tell me the verdict of their thoughts.
When I released my single, "This House Is Haunted," I received great remarks from people in the industry. A CEO of a songwriting publishing company told me that this song would surely be picked up by a big artist. The head of a major artist management company raved about my vocal performance. My idol told me she watched my music video and loved it. A record label told me they loved it and couldn't wait to hear more of my music! And while I feel proud with the headway I made with that song, none of those remarks changed my life. I was still the same girl hustling for myself. I was proud that people liked it so much, but at the end of the day, nothing happened as a result of the "right people" liking it.
So, as I gear up for another round, hopefully hearing how good it is (I may not be that lucky!), I have to brace myself for the chance that: nothing may happen.
Although that may be the case, I have to remember that I'm proud of what I made. These songs are the best versions of themselves. These songs came from real places and emotions in my life, and whether or not people like them does not diminish the years that were put into making this the quality of music I've sought to achieve.
And more than anything, I'll know I reached my goal if these songs resonate with the people who listen to them. I hope you relate to my blissful happiness, my deep sorrow, my aching hurt, my boiling anger, and my desire for strength.
If the string sections well up and make you want to do something bold, or my sad songs make you want to cry, or that driving guitar rhythm makes you drive a little faster- then I'll know I did my job and my music was made for something, not nothing.
Sometimes I think I'm crazy. But sometimes, I think I know exactly what I'm doing.